Bachelor Wes finally got his ugly cowboy boots kicked to the curb this week on ABC’s The Bachelorette. I was nearly giddy that producers made him ride a bicycle through Barcelona and can only imagine what was really going through his head at the thought of having a picnic in a park. He never once kissed Jillian and when questioned about that said it was because he didn’t know if she wanted him to. It’s called romance, Wes and yes, every girl wants it!

I’m sad to say that since a serial killer was gunned down in my television market a breaking news interruption forced me to miss the end of Reid’s date and the beginning of Ed’s date, but as far as I could tell they both went smashingly well.

As for you, slimey Wes, I will never buy your stupid album. And I don’t think any Bachelorette-watching woman would– no matter how much she loved that one line of your music we heard over and over. But just because you’re a royal jerk, I still want to give you a gift courtesy of The House of Bachelorette. First of all there is this lovely trucker hat.

Livin the Life Trucker Hat

I believe it will always remind you of home, no matter where the dirty bar you’re singing in is located. I also want to give you this fab six foot tall inflatable pecker. Think of it as an award for being the world’s biggest dick.

Did you catch The Bachelorette last night? Tanner P. knocked out one more foot rub before Jillian finally came to her senses and let that boy go. She said that, while it was nice of him to try to protect her from heart breaker Wes, that Tanner P.’s demise was that he was too wrapped up in the man-drama and not focused enough on her. I think Tanner P. was the only one surprised that he was getting the boot. But in honor of our foot fetish bachelor here are two special gifts we here at The House of Bachelorette would give him if we could:

An Extra Large Piece of Man Candy for Tanner P.

The man candy is in honor of his mini strip tease that showed off his– um– big blessing. Although those of us at home just saw a blurred out pair of undies, according to Jillian his man candy was rather large! The other gift we would give Tanner P:

Some Super Cute Flips to Show Off Our Tootsies

Because we all know Tanner digs the toes, we’d show them off in these lovely Sole Mates Flip Flops. And we’d be sure to paint our toenails Mango Mango so that maybe– just maybe– Tanner P. would call us a perfect 10 in the foot department.